MAKING MY BED

I was raised to make my bed every morning. Sure, I let it air out while I brushed my teeth, washed up, got dressed and ate breakfast. But the bed was always made before I left the house. As a kid, I didn't get it - why make the bed if it would just get messed up again at the end of the day? What a waste of my precious time. But, in all honesty, it was really nice to come home to a neat, unruffled bed. There were lots of other things I did because that's how it was done in my home.

 

As I watched my daughter with her son this all came back to me. I realized how much is absorbed from the environment. How important it is to watch what you do or say. That even at such an early age they are noticing verbal and non-verbal cues and getting used to routines. They start to copy mannerisms , see how you interact with others and want to do what you do,  eat what you eat, even if they are not yet ready for such developmental milestones. 

 

Whether biological or adopted, these are some of the components of nurture versus nature. While inheriting personality traits and character may come from your child's biology, daily activities and interactions are learned from you.

 

This includes how you include adoption in your life and respond to those around you. Your child is observing the words you use when talking about adoption or their birth family. Whom you tell and what you tell matters. It is important to recognize your own abilities or where additional help is needed and set an example for your child and other family members.

 

You can make decisions on whom to tell, what to share (generic or specific information), or when to just walk away. Not all questions or comments from others need to be responded to at the time. However, if overheard by your child, you should circle back later and process the experience in an age-appropriate fashion with your child. You should be able  to recognize when things are adoption related or when they do or do not meet with how you want your child to understand adoption. You can help your child process and learn from these experiences.

 

In the same way you make your bed or perform other daily tasks, you can practice and become accustomed to adoption-related language and help your child learn to respond to these conversations and interactions comfortably.

 

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared  thousands of adoption  homestudies, counseled  expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and  adopted  persons, as  well  as trained  professionals  to  work  with  adoptive  families. She  was Director of the  Ametz  Adoption  Program of  JCCA,  a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption  Series and a past member of the  Adoption  Advisory  Board  of  Path2Parenthood and the Adoption   Professional   Advisory  Council  of  HelpUSAdopt. She is currently a member of the Advisory Board of the Family Equality Council and  provides support & information for the Adoptive Parents Committee New  York City Chapter, as well as through her private practice.  Her  blogs  and  written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including  her  BLOG  and  as  Head  Writer  for  ADOPTION.NET   She  was  named  an  “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly.