HOW MANY CHILDREN DO YOU HAVE?
This question is a bombshell. It alone can lead to hurt feelings, disagreements with spouses and limited social interactions. It causes women - hoping to become mothers – to stay away from family events, malls and other places they may see pregnant women or young children.
This question is a bombshell. It alone can lead to hurt feelings, disagreements with spouses and limited social interactions. It causes women - hoping to become mothers – to stay away from family events, malls and other places they may see pregnant women or young children.
While all true – How would you feel giving or hearing these
answers?
Mom Through Fertility Treatment
“I have 2. One through IVF, we fertilized him in a petri dish. The youngest was conceived the same way.”
Adoptive mom
“I have 2. They’re adopted. One from Texas, the other from
Arizona.”
Birth mom
“I have 1 son who lives with me and 1 daughter who I placed
for adoption when she was an infant.”
Surrogate
“I have 2. 3 really. I carried one in my uterus for a couple
living in New Jersey.”
Foster care mom
‘I have 6. 4 are mine. 2 still live with me. And, I have 2
foster care kids.”
Hopeful mom
“None yet. We’ve been trying, but nothing yet.”
Would anyone give this type of detail – to someone you just
met? I doubt it. And the question is a typical one asked when people get
acquainted. So, what is a person to say?
It will be an answer that includes or omits any facts and
details you feel appropriate for the moment. You may do more soul searching or
relive your road to motherhood. There will be happy moments and those of
sadness. It may lead to philosophical discussions on life and family, on
difficult decisions and unconditional love and acceptance. You may need to bite
your tongue when people give unwanted advice; fight back tears when they
provide sympathy; or sit silently listening to their route to motherhood. They
may mean well – but you may not want such assistance at the time.
Until a time that all biases are eradicated about adoption,
unplanned pregnancy and artificial reproductive technologies - until all
preconceived notions of adoptees, adoptive and birth parents are gone - until
the world redefines family - the answer will be the one with which you are
comfortable. It may be something you want to expand upon or just state as is. There is no need for explanations,
clarifications or excuses.
