Sunday, August 13, 2017
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ve heard me say that I love being in my own home. I like the familiarity, knowing where everything is, slowing down and deciding what to do and when.
After running around all week, meeting with families and speaking with other professionals, I find myself needing that “down time”. Take his week for example. I led a conference for adoption professionals focused on how to best meet the needs of individuals and couples pursuing adoption, surrogacy and other assisted reproduction technologies. I spoke at the New York City Gay Center as a part of an all-day conference focused on family building options. I also did several home studies and post placements. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
But I am also elated at being able to help people seeking to build or enlarge their families and the professionals that work with them. I never take on more than I can handle and leave time between visits with families to quickly complete their reports.
As a working mom, I tried my best to balance my daughters’ needs with those of my clients. But, as hard as I tried, I had moments of feeling guilty and being pulled in two directions. My employer was cooperative and I could adjust my work hours to attend school events. My parents were nearby to fill in when needed. I’m not sure how I could have parented without them.
There were times my daughters wanted me to be at home with them more. There were times I worked late into the night after they went to sleep. There were times we all sat at the same table, with them doing homework and me typing reports. It may not have been perfect – but it worked.
Between school, after school activities, playdates and hobbies, we were on the run a lot. My girls liked to be busy. But, down time was important, too. Cuddling on the couch watching a movie. Going to the playground, park or lake in the summer.
My daughters live in their own homes now. They are always on the move – work, friends, caring for their pets (they each have many) and much more. They prefer to keep active, but realize quiet time to regroup or to sleep is not only a necessity but a privilege.
I love watching them grow and create their own environments. They are like me in many ways and very different in others. What I enjoy is that they are a combination of nature and nurture. They are who they are because of being adopted and are now stretching their wings. They continue to try new things and create independent lives, all the while, staying in touch with their home base. What more can a mother ask?
Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents, parents-to-be and adopted persons, as well as trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA, a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series, currently a member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and active in the Adoptive Parents Committee in New York. Her blogs and written contributions can be seen at her BLOG and as Head Writer for ADOPTION.NET She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly at EMAIL.