IF ONLY ADOPTED KIDS CAME WITH INSTRUCTIONS

As Head Writer, I have been doing a lot of writing for Adoption.net  Here is my latest blog. For more of my writing, go to KATHY at ADOPTION.NET

If Only Adopted Kids Came with Instructions

Wouldn’t it be great (albeit a little weird) if adopted kids came with a little instruction tag? You know, the kind that says:

A  lways change and dress as needed and appropriate for the weather and occasion.

D  on’t forget to feed at least 3 times a day, plus snacks, as needed.

O  pportunities to talk about adoption are everywhere—start the conversation and keep it going.

P  rovide lots of fresh air and sunshine.

T  otal and unconditional love must be consistent.

I   nteraction with friends and family highly suggested.

O  pportunities to play and have fun should be provided daily.

N  aps and a full night’s sleep should be ongoing to avoid the “crankies.”

But, alas, there are no such instructions.

Adoptive parenting involves all the daily care a child needs, plus the planning for their medical, academic, recreational, emotional and social needs.

Medical needs include usual preventive care and treatment for childhood diseases. But for adopted kids, it also means watching for unknown hereditary illnesses, such as  high blood pressure, heart disease, cancer or diabetes. You want to work with a pediatrician who is adoption “aware” and is able to anticipate and treat without a full medical history.

Academic issues seem to be more prevalent for adopted kids. Some feel it is the inheritance of familial learning issues. Others feel it is an emotional overlay of adoption that distracts the child from learning. Adoptive parents should watch for learning difficulties, seek professional evaluation if concerned, and follow-up with recommended remediation, when needed.

Recreational exposure is important. There may not be a match of athletic ability between parent and child. Follow your child’s lead; provide opportunities to try a multitude of activities, sports and hobbies. Then help them pursue the ones that interest them.

Emotional issues vary dramtically for the adopted child. Some have many questions and talk about meeting birthparents; others have little interest and do not talk about it. It is important to share adoption with your child when they are very young, add details as they grow, and maintain an open dialogue over the years. If you or your child are struggling with the adoption, talk to a professional.

Social interactions are important for any child. For the adopted child (and family) spending time with other adopted kids and families provides a network where information and support from those with similar experiences is available.

There could be an entire book filled with topics, advice and guidance. This “instruction tag” should get you started.

For even more blogs, go to KATHY at ADOPTION.NET

athy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001 and has a private practice in New York City. She has been Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA since 1992. You can follow her ADOPTION BLOG or reach her directly by EMAIL

TALKING TO KIDS ABOUT ADOPTION

"Don't be afraid of the answers. Be afraid of not asking the questions".....Jennifer Hudson

What a powerful statement. This resonates throughout the work I do everyday. Adoptive parents are afraid to raise “adoption” with their children. They are afraid it will lead to more questions, for which they have no answers. They are afraid their children will not love them or that they will reject them.

I get it. I am an adoptive mom. I  have had many conversations with my daughters. Some as a result of their questions. Some when I raised an issue. Some when I asked how they felt about somethingthat they saw in a movie or on the news.

Parenting isn't easy. Your stamina, resilience and creativity are tested every day. You need to set rules, be consistent, yet be flexible and willing to think through new situations with an open mind. You  need to be vigilant. As an adoptive parent, you need to check onwhat your child is thinking and feeling about adoption 

I was always a bit nervous raising the issue of adoption. I never knew what my kids would say or how they would react. But I knew it was important to let them know I was always willing to talk about it and keep the conversation going. 

If you are honest and available to your child, they will come to you for answers and support...........and that will  bind you even closer together in the years to come.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001 and has a private practice in New York City. She is also Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA. She can be reached at theadoptionmaven@gmail.com