STAYING IN TOUCH

My kids are 24 and 28, and, yes, I still call them my kids – and always will, just like I am still my mom’s baby at my age.

My girls don‘t live with me anymore. But, we talk and text often. I need to know they are safe and sound. I like a morning text – starts my day off with a smile. But not when it’s 7 a.m, since I am trying to sleep a bit later these days (that’s another blog) and my older daughter is on her way to work. Although, I would rather that text, than none at all.

While, the girls think I am a bit kooky in the “stay in touch” department and know it is “my thing”, they do text at least once a day. I have friends who grew up the same way. Someone should always know where you are - just in case. With all the happenings lately, I feel more secure when I know where everyone is.

With texting, this has become very easy. Knowing the girls, my mom and sister are all home for the night is a comforting feeling; that friends who are traveling have arrived at their destination or are back home is reassuring.

Because the work I do is more than just a job for me, knowing a family who has waited so long to bring home a child has now been fulfilled is a text or email I enjoy receiving. And when it comes with a photo attached, it is even more thrilling.

“Waiting to hear” - to connect with a birthparent, for a child’s birth or approval to return home with a child is also something I remember well with my daughters. It was one of the longest and emotionally packed waits ever.

At this time of year, most of us spend more time with family and friends. While the support you receive from close family and friends may be invaluable, their asking for updates about your adoption process can be stressful. To avoid having to explain yourself during a party or gathering, let them know that you will certainly let them know if anything happens, but the topic is taboo during the social event.

Stay in touch with family and friends in any way that works for you – phone calls, texts, emails or in person meetings. Reach out to your social worker if you are having a rough day or want to share good news.

Personal contact is great, but use emails and texts, as I do, when my schedule is packed. When I just want to say “I am thinking of you”, or “I am okay” or “Here’s the latest news”. When I cannot wait to share something or I want to check in to see how someone is.  They are a great way to stay in touch.

Yes, I suppose I will continue to get the 7 a.m. texts from my older daughter as she leaves for work and the midnight to  .m. texts from my younger daughter, who lives in Nevada. Yes, they both wake me up if I forget to turn down the sound on my phone. Yes, I check if I wake in the middle of the night. And, yes, I always smile knowing they are safe and sound

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program from March 1992 to March 2015. She is Head Writer for Adoption.net, member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and has a private practice in New York City. She was a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series and named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.