Can a
person with a history of chronic or severe medical illness adopt? The answer is “YES.”
Individuals and couples who are medically
stable can adopt. If you have a history of a severe, life-threatening or
chronic illness, you will be asked to provide a doctor’s letter indicating your
medical status and that they see no reason why you would be not be able to meet
the responsibilities of parenting. A
doctor’s letter typically includes the diagnosis, treatment and prognosis. Some
require the doctor to state that they expect you to live to the child’s
majority (age 16).
But getting a
doctor’s support in pursuing an adoption is only part of the process. In
addition, you will need to explore how any medical or physical limitations
would affect your ability to meet a child’s daily needs or interfere in their
emotional, physical or social development.
During the
application phase of the adoption process, you will have to share your medical
history and status with attorneys or adoption agencies. You will also need to examine
this in more detail with the adoption social worker conducting your homestudy.
Each adoptive parent
must show he or she is medically stable and has the physical and emotional
stamina to meet a child’s needs. You need to have taken time to accept and
adjust to any medical diagnosis, treatment and recovery.
You need to have
explored your support system as it relates to helping you with childrearing
should you have a recurrence or your symptoms or illness worsens. How you have
accepted your illness and resolved its implications on your life and lifestyle
demonstrate to the social worker your resilience and coping skills.
Raising
a child is physically taxing. You are in constant motion, probably not getting
enough sleep and keeping up with your child’s ever changing needs and schedules.
You have to consider who would be there to assist you in accomplishing these
daily tasks, temporarily or permanently, should you become unable to perform them.
Finally
there is the child to consider. Adoption involves loss - your loss of a
biological child and –your child’s loss of a birth family. For a child,
worrying about losing another parent may be overwhelming and result in
psychological and developmental delays. They may be resistant to go to school
or other social events if it means they will not be with you. They may worry
every time you sneeze or “look tired”.
I have
heard the argument that anyone could be hit by a car and die, leaving a child
without a parent. And I agree. It would be devastating and lead to many changes
and rearrangements in a child’s life. The difference is that living with a
chronic condition or the threat of a recurring life threatening illness is like
living with a constant question mark over one’s head - if and when it will
happen again.
However
with all the challenges, parenting is joyful and wonderful. So plan for the best,
but keep an eye on dealing with anything that life may throw your way.
Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program from March 1992 to March 2015. She is Head Writer for Adoption.net, member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and has a private practice in New York City. She was a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series and named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.
