You are not sure if you need to tell a teacher about
your child’s adoption. Whether they look like you or it’s more obvious that
they don’t, you don’t want any academic or social struggle immediately thought
of as an adoption issue. Yet, you want there to be an awareness in case an
issue comes up in the classroom.
You can start by
asking for a meeting with the teacher early in the year. I used to do it within
the first 2 weeks. Frame the conversation that you wanted them to know in case
it was mentioned in class. That there is nothing in your child’s history that
is a concern for learning or detail any identified learning or behavioral
needs.
Add that you are
allowing your child to share information when they are ready. I recall when my
daughter was about 6 years old, her teacher introduced her to another adopted
child in another class. I know she thought she was doing something nice, but it
was inappropriate and they deserved their privacy. The teacher knew they were
adopted but the girls may not have been ready for it to be known to anyone
else. Tell the teacher that should your
child mention adoption in class or they hear a classmate say anything about it,
that you would appreciate knowing.
Ask the teacher if
they have had adopted children in class before. Have they adjusted curriculum?
Have they discussed adoption or other family formation or diversity in class?
Offer to come in and talk about adoption if the teacher thinks that might be
helpful. Another option is to provide an adoption book for the class bookshelf.
You can also offer to come in and talk to the teachers. I have provided
guidance to parents, teachers and administrators over the years. Sometimes for
the benefit of my children. Other times, because a family has asked for my
assistance.
Add that you know
there may be classroom work or a homework assignment associated with identity
or family. Explain that your child may view the needed information differently,
not have all the facts or have a reaction based on their experiences or
perceptions. One of my daughters reacted to several assigned book readings.
After several attempts to get homework completed, my daughter burst into tears
and said she wasn’t reading another book about a missing parent. We, of course,
talked about it and I approached the school. Unfortunately, the school felt the
books were “classics”, “award winners” and “always part of our curriculum”. As
you can imagine, my daughter was resistant to reading anything or participating
in classroom discussions that reminded her of her birth family. It was a tough
academic year.
You can ask the
teacher, if possible, to reach out to you before any pertinent discussion or
assignment, so you can work together to make any needed accommodations for your
child to be able to complete the task. There are also books and articles which
address school and classroom issues on popular assignments such as family
trees, which you can provide for a particular teacher or for the school.
Check in with the
teacher periodically if your child is beginning to talk more about adoption at
home or they mention their peers are asking questions or making comments.
If the school has parent’s
or kid’s clubs, is there one for diverse families? Does this include adoptive
families? If not, ask your child if t it’s ok to approach the school to start
such a group.
Many parents have
anxieties about a child’s adoption. Families have called me over the years
mostly about school assignments. I have educated families and provided guidance
for further advocacy and discussions they can have with teachers. Overall
feedback has been that teachers were accepting of ideas on how to help children
complete assignments and achieve academic success. Until adoption is included
in teacher education, it will fall upon you to run interference for your child.
Afterall, you only want what best for them, as do I.
