I saw a chiropractor this week. After months of knowing I needed to deal with an achy shoulder and back and putting it off, I took the plunge. Why am I telling you this? Because, talking about adoption with kids is similar. You were advised that this was an important and necessary part of parenting through adoption. The thought that you need to do it comes and goes, and becomes a nagging task. You keep putting it off because you’re unsure of what you are going to say or supposed to say and what the response will be. So, you put it off, again.
Perhaps, it will be your child asking a question or encountering a situation that needs to be addressed. It could be a comment from a family member, friend, colleague or someone in your community in front of your child. Something one of your child’s friends or classmates says. Maybe an in-school curriculum or homework assignment. Not having background information requested by a professional seeing your child (i.e., physician, dentist, counselor, etc.).
Whatever the incentive, the time has come. It is not only preparing what you will say (or hold for another day), but being ready to sit back and listen, which is sometimes the hardest part. You can review what kids know and how to talk to them at various stages in some of my earlier blogs:
The Adoption Maven: A CHILD'S UNDERSTANDING OF ADOPTION
The Adoption Maven: TALKING TO KIDS
ABOUT ADOPTION
The Adoption Maven: YOU CAN DO THIS -
TALKING ABOUT ADOPTION
The Adoption Maven: CHOOSE YOUR WORDS
CAREFULLY
Remember, this will not be a one-time discussion. There will be questions and opportunities to explore your child’s history and what it means to be an adopted child and family as the years go by and as your child grows.
I am so happy I decided to face the elephant in the room and see the chiropractor. I realized I could not heal myself and reached out to the professional I felt could best meet my needs. I am also aware that these next few weeks of ‘adjustments’ will not be the end. Like you, I will need to return to the issue over the coming years – but with more knowledge, less fear and the satisfaction that I took care of an important aspect of my life.
Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and adopted persons, as well as trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series and the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood, She is currently on the Adoption Professional Advisory Council of HelpUSAdopt , a member of the Advisory Board of the Family Equality Council and active in the Adoptive Parents Committee in New York. Her blogs and written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including her BLOG and as Head Writer for ADOPTION.NET She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly.
