I’ve come to visit my 25 year old daughter, who is living in
Las Vegas. It is strange to see her all grown up, with friends I have never met
and a lifestyle she has created for herself.
What I remember is the little girl who was shy around
strangers, who was creative beyond my wildest dreams, who loved animals and
“Free Willy”, and soccer, gymnastics and drawing pictures. She has become a
unique person with preferences very different from mine and similarities that
are amazing.
She would choose eating fast food in the car, while I would prefer
to eat a salad in a restaurant. She would stay up all night, while I would go
to bed early and wake shortly after dawn. She tosses things left and right,
picking them up later, while I would put each thing in its place. She blasts
music, while I prefer quiet. She is a social butterfly, while I prefer
solitude.
Yet, we are a family. Mother and daughter. We have shared both
good and stressful times, stretching our wings and stating our views. We don’t
always agree.
Sometimes I think it is a child becoming independent.
Sometimes I think it is the fact that we don’t share DNA… that deep inside our genes
have different ways of responding. I have always been amazed at the ways our
thinking processes differ - our choice of foods, favorite colors, temperature
preferences and more. Yet, there are so many ways we are alike.
We both like cooking, wearing black, silver jewelry and the
same television shows. We prefer to text rather than talk when it’s a simple
message to convey or question to ask. We believe people should respect and
treat one another with kindness. We do not understand prejudice and bullying.
We believe in the inherent good in others, until they prove us wrong. We defend
one another through thick and thin and are always there for one another.
Nature vs nurture. My child has some of both worlds. She has
the talents and character her birth family gave her and the life lessons and
values I taught her. Even at 25 years old, she sometimes struggles with
integrating her adoption and understanding what came from where. She is trying
to make sense of her life, adoption and place in the world. She shares her
thoughts with me and the difficulty, even at her age, of fully understanding
why her birthmother made the decision she did. She made contact with her birth family and has
been talking to birth siblings, yet not to her birthmother.
She introduces me to everyone she knows or meets as her mom.
Yes, that is me. The one who has loved and nurtured her. The one who has never
doubted that we could be a family, with strong ties and love that has no
bounds. I love my daughter with all my heart and only want what is best for
her, even if that has taken her thousands of miles away.
Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA from March 1992 to March 2015, was Head Writer for Adoption.net, a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series She is currectly a member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and active in the Adoptive Parents Committee in New York, where she has a private practice specializing in adoption and adoptive parenting. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.
