I admit it. I'm a helicopter parent. I watched my kids
like a hawk - where they went and with whom.
This is NYC where you know
your neighbors by sight and perhaps their schedules, passing one another in the
elevator, but not much about their backgrounds. Where kids use public transportation.
I never understood neighbors
sending kids as young as 5 alone in the elevator to come up for a play date or
to the store or school alone by the age of 8.
I was always vigilant but it
became even more pronounce after 9/11. It was my older daughter’s first day of
high school. New surroundings and new peers. She got her first cell phone that week
so we could stay in touch.
Today I had a flashback. A
mother boarded a city bus with her child, who must have been around 4 years
old, walking behind her. The driver started to close the door not seeing the
little girl. Everyone was fine. But my kids always walked beside me or in front
of me. Holding hands or in hands reach. Always in sight.
My daughters gained more
independence as they grew - earning my trust and their freedom. I asked them to respect my need to know where
they were. If they planned to be with particular friends or in a specific
location and plans changed - to just text me the changes. Someone should know
where they were and I assumed that task by default.
Now they live independently.
Do I still worry? Absolutely. Is it to control their lives? No. It’s to make
sure they are safe and sound.
To this day I still like to
know where those closest to me are. The girls, my mom, sister and close
friends. We stay in touch, even using texts. I am reassured knowing everyone is
safe.
Would I be like this if I
lived elsewhere? Yes. It's my personality to worry.
I remember worrying through
my adoption processes so many years ago. Some days were tough and had me
wondering if I would ever be a parent. I think about clients who have a tough
time with the adoption process. Whether collecting documents for the initial
meeting, preparing to talk to birth parents, despairing that no one is calling
or that the relationship is a tough one or traveling and waiting for the
approval to come back home - I wait to hear from them that all is well.
Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA from March 1992 to March 2015, was Head Writer for Adoption.net, a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series She is currectly a member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and active in the Adoptive Parents Committee in New York, where she has a private practice specializing in adoption and adoptive parenting. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.
