I
am a worrier. Always have been, and although learning better ways to handle
adversity and uncertainty – I still worry.
I
worry about my kids - a lot. I like to know where they are and what they are
doing. That doesn’t mean I hovered like a helicopter. But, I certainly don’t
bury my head like an ostrich, either. This was easier when they were young,
much harder during their teen years. As adults (23 and 27 years of age) I still
like a text every so often to know what they are up to. And, yes, while I would
love them to do so hourly, I know that’s my issue, not theirs.
I
live in New York City
Sometimes
I wonder if I worry so much because my kids are adopted. Does that add to my
concern? Are there special things that I attribute to the adoption? I check my
thoughts with friends and colleagues who have birth and adopted kids.,
The
consensus is that 9 times out of 10, it’s a “growing up” thing that all kids
experience. There are times, however, where there is an adoption twist,
overlay, underlay or complexity. There
are personality traits that don’t match mine. There are food preferences that
don’t match my choices. Those are the easy things to figure out and
accommodate. Differences in thinking patterns or “flight or fight” responses
are tougher.
Most
parents want to always have the answers – to fix what is wrong. Adoption makes
that harder. Over the years, parents have their share of concerns over academic
struggles, medical symptoms and behaviors. A child’s questions about birth
family or medical history can be explored but not always answered. Reassuring a
child while trying to obtain information
that may be unknown or unavailable is tough on both the parent and the child.
Based
on a child’s history, adoptive parents also worry about their child’s choices
that may mimic birth parents, including an unplanned pregnancy, and subsequent
decisions.
Then
I remember, I worry about everyone and everything. It’s in my nature. I like friends and family
who travel to send a quick “I’ve arrived.” upon reaching their destination. I like a “goodnight” text from my girls so I
know they are in for the night.
I
know I cannot control the world or even the little part of it within I live. I
do know that adoption has been a wonderful and rewarding part of my life even
with its remaining questions.
Life
will always have me worrying about something. It is who I am and what I do.
Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a social
worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has
prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and
parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families.
She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption
in 2001 and has a private practice in New
York City
