So
why am I feeling there is something else to do? Perhaps, because for 30 years I
have been on the treadmill of life with work to be done, meals to prepare,
errands to run, children to care for and more. These days, I help people adopt,
decide which option is right for them, provide
parenting advice, train other professionals and consult with adoption agencies.
But
I like my down time, which includes hearing from family, talking to friends,
hanging out with the dog and trying out new recipes. At times, figuring out
what to do when not working is tough. I spent so many years balancing work and
motherhood. Now I am balancing work and me.
Any
parent who works, mother or father, will understand. It isn't always easy to
balance the two. There are many decisions to be made. How many activities are
good for a child and at what age? How to get a healthy meal on the table every day?
What if a nanny or babysitter is sick or
a child is sick and can't go to school? How
to rearrange work schedules at the spur of the moment? Or should I stay home? Mostly,
it's manageable, but sometimes the guilt can be overwhelming.
I
remember coordinating everyone's
schedules - dropping the girls at school and getting to the office, and then
rushing back to pick them up at the end of the day, which often included after
school activities or playdates. I remember running errands, planning meals,
organizing weekend activities and more. I was always tired.
And
then there was the adoption complexity. We talked about adoption many times
over the years. Sometimes they raised the subject, other times I did. We talked about the reasons for their
birth mothers making the decision they did and when and how to talk about adoption with
others. I learned to allow them to process their own stories, choose the
terminology with which they felt most comfortable and follow their lead with
needing more information. We stuck with it, returning to further explore
situations and feelings. I never was sure when a conversation would arise and
some of them were more difficult than others.
From
the busy days of raising young children, to keeping an eye on them as they developed
friendships, to launching them into independent women, to watching them pursue
their dreams and careers, I have been an active participant along the
ride.
And,
so on this quiet morning, my caretaker role continues. the dog has needs to be
met. But with just a tasty bowl of food (no cooking needed), some water to wash
it down and a quick walk, he will sleep away most of the day. While, he's the
easiest "child" to please, a parent's role is forever.
Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and adopted persons, as well as trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series and is currently a member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and active in the Adoptive Parents Committee in New York. Her blogs and written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including her BLOG and as Head Writer for ADOPTION.NET She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly at EMAIL