Did you ever have one of those days? You woke all ready to take on the day with a well thought out plan. But soon enough, things start going off course.
The coffee machine isn’t working - there’s a snag in your favorite sweater - the cat is sitting on the morning newspaper. You miss the bus, can’t find your metro-card, or have a flat tire. And it’s only Monday. You vow not to let this ruin your day, but your mood is turning sour, and you just know it’s a bad omen.
Arriving at work, there’s coffee and bagels set out for an impromptu scheduled meeting to announce some changes in the office. Your stomach drops – but bagels wouldn’t signal something bad, would it? Bad news is usually delivered privately in the HR office. You sip your coffee and talk to colleagues as you wait for the news. The current CEO is leaving, and they are announcing his replacement. Whew! This might even be a good change.
Building a family through adoption mirrors life – it is based on plans, bumps in the road, ensuing worries and then, finally, that new family member. The road may be filled with twists and turns. There may be days you just don’t feel it will happen, but you have heard from others that the process works and you see many adopted children in your community. Hopefully, you have started to create relationships with other adoptive families so you and your child will have a peer group - people who truly understand.
Parenting is similar. You have hopes and dreams for your child and yourself. You know how you want to raise a child and the opportunities you want to provide. You know the things you want to do differently than your own parents, as well as the things you want to continue as childrearing techniques. Maybe adoption is new to the family, but you will learn how to help your child understand how they joined the family. You will learn when and how you or your child should include adoption as you interact with others.
Listen to your gut, but also listen to those around you who are there to support you and give guidance. They have your best interests at heart. Thank them for their support and advice (even if you decide to go in a different direction). You know yourself best, so let them know how they can help.
Not every day will be the one you planned. Going with the flow is necessary, especially during the adoption process and then as you parent. Put on your emotional lifejacket and ride those waves as you go. I know you can do this successfully.
Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and adopted persons, as well as trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series and the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood, She is currently on the Adoption Professional Advisory Council of HelpUSAdopt , a member of the Advisory Board of the Family Equality Council and active in the Adoptive Parents Committee in New York. Her blogs and written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including her BLOG and as Head Writer for ADOPTION.NET She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly.
