YOU'RE MY BROTHER

Just love the new commercial where the little boy says ‘You’re not my adopted brother, you’re my brother”.  Had so many tears in my eyes, I couldn’t even remember what product was being advertised.

That’s the real story of adoption – brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, moms and dads.  Why do people have to put the word “adoption” in front of any of those labels?

Would anyone say “This is my IVF son?”. “I’d like to introduce my sister’s IUI baby.” “My nephew here was born using donor sperm.” I think not. They would say, here is my son, daughter, niece or nephew.

Not only do I think this is the way it should be, but my daughters, who were adopted, and who were brought up knowing that they were as valued, precious and loved as any child to whom I would have given birth.

I love hearing my girls explain why we don’t look alike with ease and confidence that people will “get it”. I was moved by this commercial, which I later discovered was for a beloved cracker - and again when my younger daughter told me she was crying over a commercial she had just seen.

Yes, we are a sensitive group. We cry at commercials, movies, TV shows and when leaving one another for long periods of time. I used to feel crying was a weakness. I now know it is because we feel so deeply.

There are shows, like “Mom” and “Mike & Molly” that include the adoption process from all angles. And while, they intersperse humor, are able to capture the gist of the process, the difficult decisions and consequences for birth and adoptive families. There are several new shows dedicated to “finding family” and “lost loves”.

TV has come a long way over the past years but has more to do to provide an honest inclusive view of adoption and other arrangements in families and society.  

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA from March 1992 to March 2015, was Head Writer for Adoption.net, a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series She is currectly a member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and active in the Adoptive Parents Committee in New York, where she has a private practice specializing in adoption and adoptive parenting. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.

GIVING THANKS

Memorial Day is the time when most people think of those who have sacrificed for our freedom and way of life.  My connection includes that of my dad and his brother who served in WWII. I had friends whose older brothers served in the Vietnam War and my daughters have peers who have served recently. I work with families who have members who are actively defending our country.  Many years ago, I worked at the Veterans Administration. It was an eye opening insight into the effects war can have on the onset of anxiety, stress and uncertainty.

But it also makes me think of others who live with anxiety and uncertainty - who defend their choice to make personal decisions. In the adoption world that includes birth and adopting parents. Birth parents choose to provide a better life for their children and adoptive parents choose to take on that responsibility.

So on this Memorial Day - I thank not only the men, women, canine corps and their families, but all the men and woman who made it possible for me and so many others to live their dreams in a country full of freedom and personal choices.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA from March 1992 to March 2015, was Head Writer for Adoption.net, a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series She is currectly a member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and active in the Adoptive Parents Committee in New York, where she has a private practice specializing in adoption and adoptive parenting. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.