Many of us are still adjusting to the return to routines
they haven’t experienced since March of 2020. And now what with the continuing updates on
COVID and its changing advice on what to do to be safe, leads me to having
questions about the return to in-person schooling for our children.
I think about the lack of vaccinations for children under age 12 and the impact this may have on them in an indoor environment. For many the new academic year no longer offers remote-learning as an option.
Are the new masking and classroom spacing
precautions enough to protect the children and any adults they come in contact
with, in and out of the classroom? Will there be any way to know who and who
isn’t vaccinated in the upper grades? If a family member has contracted COVID
will the school be notified, and the kids asked to quarantine at home? What
will the guidelines be if an ‘outbreak’ of COVID cases occurs in the school?
I wish these questions weren’t on my mind. That
my blog could be my usual returning to school advice this time of the year.
That I could just focus on school assignments and disclosure issues that may
arise as the result of being an adoptive family. But COVID is now a part of our
lives and we do have to consider how it affects us.
Now onto the usual adoption related
considerations when kids head back to school:
That kids as young as pre-school may be asked to
create a life time-line or family tree. That elementary school children are
asked about that family tree or “who’s in my family” curriculum. That junior
and high school students would have assignments relating to genetics and sex
education. At any age, any of these classroom discussions, assigned readings or
homework assignments can raise questions for your child (and you).
How can you help your child address this work?
There are two things you can do. Be aware of upcoming schoolwork and prepare
your child how to talk about adoption. This may mean sharing their adoption,
sharing general information on adoption, or just not answering questions. This
means making sure your child has the vocabulary to express their thoughts and
experience of being adopted. Continued conversations with your child about
their early life, birthparents’ decisions to make an adoption plan and an
assessment of their cognitive and emotional level of understanding, will enable
you to identify when they need more support or information.
How do you intercede at school? You are the one
to educate teachers about the complexity of the adoptive family and some of the
assignments. You may need to provide information, reading materials and other
resources for teachers. You might want to ask a teacher to tell you of any
upcoming assignments that may include family formation etc. so that she knows
that the biology related family assignment does not fit you or your family or
others that have been built through adoption, inter-marriage, foster or kinship
homes. For example – the pre-school timeline with a baby photo (not always
available to adoptees) can become a “how I have grown’ timeline with a photo
from when the child was younger and one more recent. Family tree assignments
may include who the child considers part of their family, perhaps a nanny, a
grandparent, etc. This may lead to classroom discussions on family composition
and diversity. Older children may grapple with the genetic ‘why are my eyes
this color’ chart. Sex education curriculums may stir up feelings about their
birthparents’ choices. Teachers need to know what your child’s triggers may
be. They should be asked to also alert you if they hear any
conversations about your child’s adoption that need your attention.
The decision to disclose a child's adoption is a
personal one. Revealing how your family was built, does not mean you need to
share any specific details about your child's background or your reason for
choosing adoption to build your family. You are alerting those around you that
your child may choose to talk about adoption or that they may have a different
take on how families are formed. When my older daughter was 3 years old, she told her
pre-school teacher 'babies come off airplanes. The teacher told her they
didn't. The very next day, I corrected the teacher. To my daughter, her 5-day
old baby sister (while from another woman's belly - not mine) did arrive via
airplane. There was no need for a sex-ed discussion at age (that came years
later). Over the years, I ran defense and offense for my daughters with school
assignments, peer relationships and more. Sometimes, it was a bit dicey. But
better that I, not my young kids, grappled with other people and their
misunderstanding of adoption and adoptive families. By now, I have answered
thousands of questions and provided direct information, as well as realized
some people would never understand the joys, challenges and complexities of
being part of an adoptive family. Each school year, I made a new decision about
what and when to reveal my kids' adoptions to teachers, after-school providers
and other parents. You need to consider that too,
To all this we have to add on the possible
worries about kids going back to school after a year or more of a different
learning pattern. Of your returning to a work environment as they return to
classrooms. Of, after being together for many months, you or your child
experiencing separation anxieties.
No one said being a parent was going to be easy.
The last17 months have put us all to the test – parents and kids. Let’s hope
the new school year is a safe and rewarding one.
Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and adopted persons, as well as trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series and the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood, She is currently on the Adoption Professional Advisory Council of HelpUSAdopt , a member of the Advisory Board of the Family Equality Council and active in the Adoptive Parents Committee in New York. Her blogs and written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including her BLOG and as Head Writer for ADOPTION.NET She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly.
