TIME TO REFLECT

November is National Adoption Month.

This year it coincides with Daylight Saving Time. As we move the clocks back an hour, I am reflecting back, as well. I remember the days of wondering if I would be a mother. If a birthparent would choose me. I remember talking to and meeting birthmothers, one at the time of placement and the other when my younger daughter was 15 years old. I remember talking to my daughters about their adoptions and their histories - sharing what I knew when I felt they were ready to hear it.

I remember so many conversations with hopeful adoptive parents during homestudies and post placements, consultations about the adoption process and counseling before and during the adoption process and later, in the years of parenting. With parents who only wanted the best for their children and who wondered if an issue was adoption related, who were considering whether to search for additional information, arrange a reunion, or if it was time to adopt again. With parents who were grappling with how to help a child complete an academic assignment, helping a child share or answer questions about their adoption or how to handle other issues at school.

I also remember meeting and working with birthparents for whom social pressure or unethical adoption practices led to relinquishments of their children. Where limitations on contact with children lead to continued concerns about the decisions they had made. Where agreed upon open adoption agreements were later challenged by adoptive parents.

I remember many conversations with children of all ages who just wanted answers to their questions. Who shared close and loving relationships with their adoptive parents and siblings, but wanted to see whom they looked like, if they had birth siblings and if they would ever meet their “real” mom or dad. Conversations with them about the loss of a biological or cultural connection and questions about who they are and where they belong.

National Adoption Day and Month were created to raise awareness for the children in foster care who are freed for adoption, but who are still waiting for a permanent home. Over the years it has come to include all forms of adoption still with the focus of finding homes for these children, but with the added attention to providing support services to make those placements successful.

As National Adoption Month gives us a moment to reflect, let’s not lose sight of the fact that whether you are an adopted person, the birth or adoptive parent or an extended family member, adoption has an impact.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared  thousands of adoption  homestudies, counseled  expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and  adopted  persons, as  well  as trained  professionals  to  work  with  adoptive  families. She  was Director of the  Ametz  Adoption  Program of  JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption  Series and the  Adoption  Advisory  Board  of  Path2Parenthood, She is currently a  Adoption   Professional   Advisory  Council  of  HelpUSAdopt , a member of the Advisory Board of the Family Equality Council and  active  in  the  Adoptive Parents Committee in  New  York.  Her  blogs  and  written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including  her  BLOG  and  as  Head  Writer  for  ADOPTION.NET   She  was  named  an  “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly