My dad was an
extraordinary man. He was nurturing, loving, compassionate and sensitive and an
amazing role model. He was involved in every day parenting and shared his
knowledge in everything from world politics to how to fish, make a toolbox out
of wood or how to play a guitar. Not all children have such an advantage - with
some not even knowing the identity or whereabouts of their biological father.
Merriam Webster defines
a father as “one who has begotten a child, whether son or daughter, a
generator; a male parent…A male ancestor; a progenitor…One who performs the
offices of a parent by maintenance, affectionate care, counsel or protection.”
This seems inclusive of biological and adoptive fathers or others who serve in
that role. They are the men who raise children on a day-to-day basis, those who
are biologically connected to them as well as others who play a significant
role in a child life - older male siblings, grandfathers, uncles, cousins,
caregivers, teachers and neighbors.
Often, while adoptive
parents will give a child information on a birthmother, they do not discuss the
birthfather. It may be that they don’t have enough information. Does this mean
it shouldn’t be discussed? Not at all. As a child grows and understands “where
babies come from”, they will most likely become curious about their birthfather.
It is Interesting to note that in adoption the wording “where babies come from”
is more the case than “how babies are made”.
Whatever you decide to
call him, a child’s birth father is a part of their biology. Your child may
exhibit some of their biological father’s physical characteristics, personality
and talents. Rather than deny his existence, it helps your child understand the
role of all of the adults that influenced their life as to where a trait or
interest comes from. Doing so does not diminish an adoptive father’s role or
influence in a child’s life. Rather it reinforces a child’s ability to speak
openly to share their feelings and to receive support from those around them.
On this Father’s Day,
consider talking to your child about the men in their lives that make a
difference. Who they like spending time with or who they wish they knew better -
whether it’s a real person or a superhero.
My dad was always there
for me. Sometimes, we sat in silence with our own thoughts. Mostly, he
listened, reflected, asked me for my opinion and pointed me in the right
direction. Over the years, I knew he wanted the best for me, even if we
disagreed. I hope all children have such a caring and devoted man in their
lives. If not a father – a father figure. Someone to watch over and guide, love
and cherish, teach and encourage.
To all the men who are
biologically connected or are a part of a child’s life - Happy Father’s Day.
Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and adopted persons, as well as trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series and the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood, She is currently a Adoption Professional Advisory Council of HelpUSAdopt , a member of the Advisory Board of the Family Equality Council and active in the Adoptive Parents Committee in New York. Her blogs and written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including her BLOG and as Head Writer for ADOPTION.NET She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly
