There are several approaches to
take - you can share all, share nothing or share on an as needed basis. The
decision is yours.
Sharing everything does not mean
providing details of your child's background or the circumstances of the
adoption placement. It means telling those caring for or interacting with your
child that your child joined your family through adoption. It is a way to alert
them that your child may mention adoption, that another child may ask questions
or classroom work or assignments may raise specific questions or responses
from your child relating to adoption.
Sharing nothing means your child
is on their own to respond to questions or comments coming from peers or
adults. It means you will not be notified when a classroom discussion may
include family formation such as family trees, genetic or sex education talks
when kids are older or even just talk among the children. If you decide this is
the way you want to go, you should prepare your child as to what to share, how
to respond if the topic comes up and when to come to you if something occurs at
school. It is also important to make
sure your child understands the difference between privacy and secrecy. It is
not a secret (nothing is wrong) that they were adopted. However, it is information that they may
choose to keep private.
Sharing on an as needed basis
means you will need to carefully monitor what is going on at school and with
your child’s peers. If your child mentions the adoption, you need to be
prepared to answer questions. Again, you do not need to share personal
histories - only that yes, your family was built through adoption.
Mostly, school means there will be
questions from your child's peers or their parents. Some will be curious, some
may be thinking of adopting themselves. What you share should be generic in
nature, about the process - not about your child's history.
In the classroom itself, your
sharing any information should be based on what is needed to provide your child
with not only the best education but a comfortable environment. Your sharing
should also include an assessment of the knowledge and preparedness of the
caretakers and teachers to respond and to inform you of upcoming events and to ask
you for guidance if needed.
Perhaps, you can read a book or
come in to discuss adoption with the class. I have been asked to speak to
teachers or classmates in the past when information about adoption is needed, and
the family does not want to take on that role. However you do it, make sure
your child has all the support he or she needs.
Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and adopted persons, as well as trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series and is currently a member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood, Adoption Professional Advisory Council of HelpUSAdopt and active in the Adoptive Parents Committee in New York. Her blogs and written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including her BLOG and as Head Writer for ADOPTION.NET She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly at EMAIL
