People worry about all
sorts of things when thinking of adoption. Many ask me questions about the size
or locations of their home or apartment. Is my apartment large enough? Does our
property need to be fenced in?
In some states, there are
“size” requirements. Particularly for foster care placements or adoptive
placements from the public child welfare system. There are room dimensions,
required windows and window guards and the need to demonstrate safety precautions.
The room must be clean, well-maintained and have ample room for a child(ren).
Male and Female children cannot share a room and, often, no more than 2
children in a room.
In a private adoptive
placement, you need to show that there is room for a child(ren), that the home
is clean, well maintained and that safety proofing the home will be done in an
age appropriate manner. In urban cities where real estate is quite costly,
people often move to larger apartment or home as the need arises. Having children
is a reason to move to a larger apartment, a more kid/family friendly
neighborhood or an area with a better
school system.
During the homestudy, I
always looked at the general condition of the home and where the child would
live. Most infants sleep in their parent’s bedroom until they sleep through the
night (the children that is. Parents never sleep through the night, again. I
still sleep with one eye and one ear open and my kids are 23 and 26). If there
is no separate bedroom, I ask about their plans for space as their child grows.
In New York City, where I am, people are very clever at dividing spaces for
multiple uses or building walls to create a new living space.
In the suburbs, people
frequently have an extra bedroom, but are using it for another purpose (office,
guest room, exercise room, storage, etc). They want to know if they need to set
up the nursery or child’s bedroom prior to the homestudy. My answer is “no”. Can you imagine waiting to adopt and
walking past a nursery room every day?
To have a reminder that you do not yet have your baby ? Not good for your
emotional health. Besides if you don’t know if it’s a boy or girl – how would
you decorate?
In addition, there are
religions and superstitions, believing it to be bad luck to set up the room
before the child arrives. Many baby and child stores offer the option of
purchasing furniture, linen, clothing and child care items in advance, but
having them delivered when needed. This is a good thing.
All homes need to have
access to local roadways and public services. They need to be near schools,
hospitals, social services, religious institutions and recreational facilities.
They all need clean running water and electricity.
Mostly the space must be
a safe, clean, secure and stable environment, where a child can learn, grow and
thrive. Where the people in it are loving and nurturing. Where the child will
be encouraged to try new things and pursue the ones that interest them. Where
adoption will be discussed and any differences of culture or ethnic are on the
table. Where children will be encouraged to think and express their views and
beliefs without being told what to think and believe.. Where all household
members will support one another and strive for the best they can be
individually and as a family. Where whether there is a vast number of rooms or
a small intimate apartment, there is a close, loving feeling.
Look at your home from a
square footage and room count, to the emotional space available to grow and
develop. Some days you will all be curled up on the couch together watching a
movie or reading a book. Others, you will be spread out in many rooms. One day,
your kids will move on to their own homes and you will wonder what to do with
all that space.
Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and
New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical
adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she
has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled expectant, birth,
pre/post adoptive parents and adopted persons, as well as trained professionals
to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program
of JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series and is
currently a member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood, Adoption Professional Advisory
Council of HelpUSAdopt and
active in the Adoptive Parents
Committee in New York. Her blogs and written contributions can be seen
throughout the Internet, including her BLOG and as Head
Writer for ADOPTION.NET She
was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in
2001. You can reach her directly at EMAIL
