This past month, I have done homes visits in
many types of residences from small city apartments to large suburban homes.
Whether the actual size, or having a room set up as a nursery or a child’s
bedroom or involves safety issues – there are always questions.
What I look for size-wise:
While foster care and some states require a
room be set up in advance for a child, I believe this reinforces feelings of
not yet having a child. I do know families who when told they had to do so –
set up a gender neutral room and then left the door closed until their child
arrived. Seems like a waste of space and an emotional trap.
I do discuss where the child will live. A
newborn often sleeps in a bassinet in their parents’ room until they sleep
through the night. If that is the case, I want to see the space they will sleep
in. If they, or an older child, will have their own room, I want to see that
room, even if it is now a guest room, office or storage space and want to know
what the plans are for that space.
I also want to know where all household members
sleep and what space is used for what. If a young child will be moving to a
“Big Kid” room and leave their room as a nursery for a new sibling, we talk
about that transition.
I remember when I adopted – we had a separate
bedroom filled with boxes. We were being considered by a birthmother and got a
call from our agency – “We need photos of your home by tomorrow.” We had been
to the local baby store to order a crib, changing table and other needed items,
but hadn’t yet painted the room, as we planned on a bassinet in our bedroom for
a month or two.
I called my husband and said “get 2 cans of
white paint and come home”. He was there within the hour. We moved the boxes to
one side of the room, took pictures of wet walls; moved the boxes to the
painted side of the room and took pictures of the remaining, now wet wall.
Photos in a FedEx envelop and off they went.
Long story short – we were approved and brought
home our first daughter within a week. Needless to say, she lived in that room
for years, until we moved to a larger apartment, with room for another child.
Other things I look for in the home:
Safety - Are there smoke and carbon monoxide
detectors, a sprinkler system, fire extinguishers? Are there any firearms or
weapons in the home? If so, where are they kept? Is there a need for window
locks and door guards or stair gates? I also look at the outdoor space. If
there is a pool or storage hut, we discuss safety proofing. If room to play and
run, we discuss any planned fencing (not a requirement) or supervision when
outdoors.
Pets – Their age, health and familiarity with
children. I make some suggestions of how to prepare a pet for a baby or child.
Place some items, like a baby blanket with the smell of baby powder or lotion.
Get an infant or small child toy. Teach your pet not to touch them in
preparation of your child’s arrival.
As a New Yorker, I understand that many people
don’t move until they absolutely need to. Housing in New York City is expensive
and often requires moving to a new less costly neighborhood. If there is a plan
to move closer to relatives or a better school system, we will discuss that, as
well.
Overall, there needs to be room for a child.
The size of the home is not as important as the use of space. Some people put
up dividing walls, repurpose an eating nook or L-shaped living room or build
up, adding loft space. Some people just need to redecorate a spare room.
It is important to know what you will need to
do to prepare your home. It is better for your and your child’s health and
adjustment to do any painting, or major renovations before your child arrives.
Even if you will not decorate the child’s room prior to their arrival, you can choose
furniture, wall decorations, a layette and more – and have them delivered at a
later date.
If you have a concern about your home size or
readiness, ask the agency or social worker before the home visit. Do you need
to set up the room? Do you need to remove small and fragile decorations? They will
be able to tell you what you need to do for the home to meet state standards.
Lastly, I always tell adopting parents to
prepare for the large amount of equipment, toys and paraphernalia babies and
children require that will fill the home….for years to come.
Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New
Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption
practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled
adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with
adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program
from March 1992 to March 2015. She is Head Writer for Adoption.net, member
of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and has a private
practice in New York City. She was a member of the Advisory Board for
POV’s Adoption Series and named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional
Coalition on Adoption in 2001. Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.
