THE OLD PROVERB

You know that expression “_____ can’t live with them, can’t live without them”? You can fill in your own blank. Today I am thinking about kids.

I never saw my life without them. Albeit, never imagined I would adopt. But here I am with two daughters, adopted as infants, now 28 and almost 31. Both living on their own – or are they?

Each put down roots in separate parts of the United States, They have jobs, friends and lots of pets. They also have the unconditional and unending love and support from me. That doesn’t mean it is always easy.

There have been times when receiving calls and texts bring joy and a smile to my face. Other times, it leads to anxiety and concern. Speaking to other parents normalizes my experience. They talk about kids needing emotional or financial support no matter what their age. Some even come back home to roost for a while. This applies to both birth and adopted kids.

But for adopted kids, sometimes the transition out of your home may take more time. Thoughts of “losing” another parent may be revisited and raise anxieties or interfere with moving on and out. My daughters had different reactions. One was easily able to get her own place and follow her dreams. The other took more time to adjust. Both stay in touch. I get texts from one or both daily. I like hearing from them, more when things are going well. But glad that they feel comfortable reaching out no matter what is happening.

So, on some days, I can’t help but think – Kids (birth or adopted) can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared  thousands of adoption  homestudies, counseled  expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and  adopted  persons, as  well  as trained  professionals  to  work  with  adoptive  families. She  was Director of the  Ametz  Adoption  Program of  JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption  Series and the  Adoption  Advisory  Board  of  Path2Parenthood, She is currently a  Adoption   Professional   Advisory  Council  of  HelpUSAdopt , a member of the Advisory Board of the Family Equality Council and  active  in  the  Adoptive Parents Committee in  New  York.  Her  blogs  and  written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including  her  BLOG  and  as  Head  Writer  for  ADOPTION.NET   She  was  named  an  “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly