WHAT IS AN ADOPTIVE PARENT?

What do I think of when I think of “adoptive parent”?  I think of me and all the singles and couples I have helped create and enlarge their families.

I became a mother through adoption in 1987 and again in 1991. I have loved that role every day since, even though there have certainly been bumps in the road from time to time.

- I am a woman who craved and struggled more than others to achieve motherhood.

-  I love my kids ferociously and would do anything I could to help them.

-  I want them to know they are unconditionally loved.

-  I have soothed hurt feelings and boo boos.

-  I have healed medical illnesses and broken hearts.

-  I have introduced them to a world of wonder and helped them make sense of inequality.

- I have explained the reasons why they were adopted and stood beside them as they searched for more answers.

-  I have answered questions from extended family, my daughters’ peers and their parents as well as nosy outsiders.

-   I have advocated for them in schools and camps.

-   I have explained far too many times that we don’t have a full medical history.

-  I have supported my daughter to use a DNA test to get her full ethnic background when she had more questions.

-   I have cooked their favorite meals and introduced them to new cuisines.

-   I have raised far too many pets they promised to care for.

When I’ve asked my friends, who are parents by birth, if they felt differently – they say no. However, they do admit, they have not had to deal with questions about unknown family histories. They know the answer. I don’t. They have full medical background information. I don’t. Their kids look like their family members. Mine don’t. 

What we do have is that we are family, love fiercely and I am a mom!

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared  thousands of adoption  homestudies, counseled  expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and  adopted  persons, as  well  as trained  professionals  to  work  with  adoptive  families. She  was Director of the  Ametz  Adoption  Program of  JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption  Series and the  Adoption  Advisory  Board  of  Path2Parenthood, She is currently a  Adoption   Professional   Advisory  Council  of  HelpUSAdopt , a member of the Advisory Board of the Family Equality Council and  active  in  the  Adoptive Parents Committee in  New  York.  Her  blogs  and  written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including  her  BLOG  and  as  Head  Writer  for  ADOPTION.NET   She  was  named  an  “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly