ADOPTION AGENCY OR ATTORNEY - PART ONE: INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION

DOMESTIC ADOPTION NEXT WEEK

After careful consideration, you've decided to adopt. The  next  decisions  are crucial to your process. Are  you  adopting domestically or internationally? How does the age, race, current health,  prenatal   exposures  or  early  life  experience  of  a  child  enter  into  your  thinking process?  How  much  background information on a child's medical and familial history must you have to feel  comfortable  moving  forward?  Who can I trust to give me the information I need and guide me through the entire process?

You will need to work with a licensed adoption agency or attorney for specific steps of the process. You will work with a social worker for your homestudy and post placement visits. You may enlarge your team to include a medical doctor, outreach consultant and other professionals, as well as join an adoptive parent support group. How to decide who you will need?

For INTERNATIONAL ADOPTIONS, the steps must be completed in a very specific order. You start by identifying a Hague accredited agency (Adoption Service Provider = ASP) with a program in the country from which you want to adopt. You will then complete your homestudy and start the dossier to go overseas. During the homestudy, you will develop a relationship with your social worker. They should be available to you throughout the process for emotional support and possible referral to local services and resources. The ASP will lead you through all the steps of the dossier, including what papers to collect, how to process them and ultimately submitting it oversees.  

You should add a medical doctor to your team, who is knowledgeable in international adoption, to review any medical information you are provided on a child. The ASP is the conduit to the adoption entity overseas who will identify a child for you, help arrange your travel itinerary and link you to in country services and appointments, including court and embassy appointments to obtain your child's visa to come home. Once back home you will meet with your social worker to complete post placement/post adoption visits which report back to the country how your child and you are adjusting. If you did not finalize overseas, the reports will also be used to recommend to your local court the finalization of the adoption. The relationships you developed with a local support group will continue to provide support and information. If you have not yet joined a group, this is a time to connect and create relationships, providing your child with a peer group of families like yours.

You need to confirm with the ASP – How long have they worked in a particular country? How many children come home in a year? How many children have come home recently? How many children were the type you were looking for? How long is the typical wait for a referral? Until you travel to meet your child? Until you can bring them back to the Untied States? Until the adoption is finalized and where will it finalize? If the country program closes, do they have other options and what is the process to switch countries?

SUMMARY
Deciding who you will work with is a critical step in your adoption procecss. You must have trust in their abilities, understanding of your wishes and advocating for you when necessary. Research your options, select carefully and may you have a smooth adoption process.

DOMESTIC ADOPTION NEXT WEEK

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared  thousands of adoption  homestudies, counseled  expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and  adopted  persons, as  well  as trained  professionals  to  work  with  adoptive  families. She  was Director of the  Ametz  Adoption  Program of  JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption  Series and the  Adoption  Advisory  Board  of  Path2Parenthood, She is currently a  Adoption   Professional   Advisory  Council  of  HelpUSAdopt , a member of the Advisory Board of the Family Equality Council and  active  in  the  Adoptive Parents Committee in  New  York.  Her  blogs  and  written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including  her  BLOG  and  as  Head  Writer  for  ADOPTION.NET   She  was  named  an  “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly EMAIL

HUG A SOCIAL WORKER - March is National Social Work Month

I spend a large part of my week helping singles and couples create or enlarge their families. This includes exploration of adoption options, alleviating anxieties, guiding them through every day parenting and educating extended family members.  I also consult with colleagues.  I serve on the boards of several adoption and fertility organizations and donate my time to local adoptive parent support groups. Every week, I visit homes for homestudy interviews and meet new children at post placement visits. 

In training the new generation of social workers, I have taught not only the specifics of adoption work, but the sensitivity needed to work with adoptive and birth parents, their children, extended family members and communities. How we talk and interact with others is critical.  In addition to providing information, we also must allow our clients space for self-determination and choice.

Not everyone likes their job. I love mine. Adoption is part of my soul.  It’s not only the way I have earned a living for the past 33 years, but also the way I have built my own family.

If I have been involved in your adoption, I hope I have been helpful in supporting your journey to parenthood. If you have worked with another social worker, I hope they have provided whatever support and information you may have needed.

As I always tell those I work with, I am here, today, tomorrow and in the years to come. Adoption adds a layer of complexity to any family. If you ever have a question, wonder if something is adoption related or just need someone to listen or a shoulder to lean on, I am here for you. Perhaps, that’s why there is often a hug at the end of many of my family visits.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared  thousands of adoption  homestudies, counseled  expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and  adopted  persons, as  well  as trained  professionals  to  work  with  adoptive  families. She  was Director of the  Ametz  Adoption  Program of  JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption  Series and the  Adoption  Advisory  Board  of  Path2Parenthood, She is currently a  Adoption   Professional   Advisory  Council  of  HelpUSAdopt , a member of the Advisory Board of the Family Equality Council and  active  in  the  Adoptive Parents Committee in  New  York.  Her  blogs  and  written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including  her  BLOG  and  as  Head  Writer  for  ADOPTION.NET   She  was  named  an  “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly EMAIL

CHOOSING SIDES

Everyone seems to be choosing sides these days. It’s either too hot or too cold; too many or not enough and, of course, the political sides. It has me thinking about birth and adoptive parents.

Why do so many feel the need to side with one or the other? Both sets of parents will always be a part of the child. Both set of parents will forever blend nature and nurture. Both sets of parents will be concerned about a child’s well-being. Are these different sides or a continuation?

During the adoption process, birth and adoptive parents are asked to consider if they want to maintain contact with one another and, if so, what will that contact be like. Many choose to share photos and letters. More and more are agreeing to text, talk, video chat and even meet periodically. And while some choose to have no ongoing contact after the child is placed into the new home, birth and adoptive parents need to be cognizant of the need to work together at times to keep the child’s best interests at heart.

It would be well to remember that no matter what type or amount of contact the birth and adoptive parents decide upon, it will be the child, as he/she grows and matures, who most likely will set the frequency and type of contact they desire.

While birth and adoptive parents are often seen as opposite sides of an adoption process, the focus of an adoption is to provide a child with a nurturing and loving home. Everyone should join together to make that happen.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared  thousands of adoption  homestudies, counseled  expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and  adopted  persons, as  well  as trained  professionals  to  work  with  adoptive  families. She  was Director of the  Ametz  Adoption  Program of  JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption  Series and the  Adoption  Advisory  Board  of  Path2Parenthood, She is currently a  Adoption   Professional   Advisory  Council  of  HelpUSAdopt , a member of the Advisory Board of the Family Equality Council and  active  in  the  Adoptive Parents Committee in  New  York.  Her  blogs  and  written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including  her  BLOG  and  as  Head  Writer  for  ADOPTION.NET   She  was  named  an  “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly EMAIL

BEEN BUSY LATELY

January  always  brings a new  flurry of  adoption  activity.  I think is partially  based  on time people  spend with family and friends over the holidays.  Even work  parties include families and their children nowadays, so the desire to parent or enlarge a family takes center stage. I do  so  many  more  consultations  on  adoption options,  adoptive parenting and, of  course homestudies  at  the  beginning  of a new year compared to the time between Thanksgiving and December 31^st.

I am conducting new homestudies and updating ones that have expired or for families pursuing a second adoption. Visiting families has its benefits.  I enjoy hearing stories about what life was like when they were growing up; where they came from; who was in their family. I learn about new professions and hobbies. I get to see apartments and home layouts. Sometimes we discuss about the best place or room for a new child. I love hearing what’s been going on for families I am visiting again. And, yes, I love meeting the pets in the home, as well.  So far this year, 7 of my families have brought home new babies or children: 4 newborns, a 1-month old, a 3-month old, and an 8-year-old (from overseas).  I have been visiting new parents, meeting their sons and daughters and watching siblings welcome the new family member. These visits are always enjoyable, even if new parents are exhausted or still figuring how to juggle new schedules and getting everything done.

Some days I feel as if I’m on one of those tourist trips where you stop in a new city each day. I worry that if I don't check my calendar carefully, I might go to the wrong place. In the past month, I have been to Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens, Westchester, Rockland and Nassau Counties and New Jersey. I have the advantage of going to new communities and seeing the areas in which a child will grow. 

I am so fortunate to love the work I do and that I have been able to help singles and couples adopt for over 32 years. I have and continue to work with a group of amazingly devoted professionals. Mostly, I am lucky to have experienced adoption myself, adding 2 daughters to my own family.

Never give up your dream. There are kids of all ages out there waiting to joing a family. While you wait and as you become parents and add more children to a family, I will continue to look forward to many more years of working in the adoption community.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared  thousands of adoption  homestudies, counseled  expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and  adopted  persons, as  well  as trained  professionals  to  work  with  adoptive  families. She  was Director of the  Ametz  Adoption  Program of  JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption  Series and is currently a  member of the  Adoption  Advisory  Board  of  Path2Parenthood, Adoption   Professional   Advisory  Council  of  HelpUSAdopt  and  active  in  the  Adoptive Parents Committee in  New  York.  Her  blogs  and  written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including  her  BLOG  and  as  Head  Writer  for  ADOPTION.NET   She  was  named  an  “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly EMAIL

AS WE ENTER THE NEW YEAR....

It has been my pleasure and honor to work with each and every one of you this past year. 

To those whose family has grown - I have delighted in your success and enjoy all picture - whether the arrival photos or annual update. 

To those who are waiting - never give up your dream. There is a child out there for you. An expectant woman will see your unique qualities and trust you with the role of parent. 

To those still considering your options - adoption is amazing but not for everyone. I remain available to help you think through your options.

Wishing everyone a happy holiday and promising new year.............Kathy

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared  thousands of adoption  homestudies, counseled  expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and  adopted  persons, as  well  as trained  professionals  to  work  with  adoptive  families. She  was Director of the  Ametz  Adoption  Program of  JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption  Series and is currently a  member of the  Adoption  Advisory  Board  of  Path2Parenthood, Adoption   Professional   Advisory  Council  of  HelpUSAdopt  and  active  in  the  Adoptive Parents Committee in  New  York.  Her  blogs  and  written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including  her  BLOG  and  as  Head  Writer  for  ADOPTION.NET   She  was  named  an  “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly EMAIL

I'M HERE IF YOU NEED ME

Starting with the initial contact (usually by phone or email) I explain the adoption process, encourage questions and explain my availability throughout as well as in the years ahead. I don’t just disappear. A quick email, text or phone call is all that is needed for me to be there with advice, guidance, resources or a shoulder to lean on.

Holidays are a time that many people find particularly difficult. Attending family events or other social gatherings can put you in a position to be questioned about children, fertility or adoption.

Figuring out how to respond in these situations can raise anxieties. Being around children while waiting for your own can lead to sadness or even hopelessness for your situation.

It can help to remember that one day you too will be celebrating with a child by your side. In the meantime, you have the right to participate however you wish and however it makes you feel comfortable.

Last year my blog GETTING THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS gave suggestions on how to navigate through the parties, family reunions, friend gatherings and more. Refer to it for specific hints.

Wishing you the best of the holidays….Kathy

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared  thousands of adoption  homestudies, counseled  expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and  adopted  persons, as  well  as trained  professionals  to  work  with  adoptive  families. She  was Director of the  Ametz  Adoption  Program of  JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption  Series and is currently a  member of the  Adoption  Advisory  Board  of  Path2Parenthood, Adoption   Professional   Advisory  Council  of  HelpUSAdopt  and  active  in  the  Adoptive Parents Committee in  New  York.  Her  blogs  and  written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including  her  BLOG  and  as  Head  Writer  for  ADOPTION.NET   She  was  named  an  “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly EMAIL

SIMILARITIES AND DIFFERENCES

My daughters like to cook. Their interest and love of cooking  was learned from me, but their individual taste for foods is probably influenced by their biological make-up. For anyone who might not know, my daughters  were adopted. Each of us has  very  different dishes we love, those we will tolerate and those we wouldn't even taste.

We all like down time, to catch up on sleep, regroup, pamper ourselves and spend time with nature or our pets.

We always took home the school pets. We provided vacation sanctuary to frogs, turtles, guinea pigs and more. All our own pets were rescued or re-homed: the guinea pigs, cat, rabbit, horse, squirrel, four dogs. I, myself, grew up in a home with a cat, a dog, hamsters, gerbils and guinea pigs. This did not stop us from volunteering to provide care for the classroom baby chicks and mice, when needed. It’s no wonder I passed this trait along to my girls and they have continued to provide homes for animals too.

My girls LOVE animals. As a family, we have a virtual zoo. One daughter, whom we refer to as "the animal whisperer" has worked with animals since the age of 15 and recently opened her own horse farm in Virginia. She lives with her personal “zoo” consisting of her horse, a mini pony to keep him company, 2 dogs, a cat, a bearded dragon and a flop-eared bunny. This doesn’t include her boarder horses. The other daughter has surrounded herself with a turtle, rescued cats and a dog.

Just as I do with my own mother and sister, my girls and I text, talk or email daily.  This is not unique to our family, but I think they continue to do this because this is what they saw me do and were raised that way. Would they do this if raised by their birth parents? We will never know.

As my daughters grew up, sometimes we wondered aloud together if and how their lives would have been different if they had been raised by their birth families. While many children fantasize about having a different life, for adopted children and their parents, this is a reality. With information we had or obtained over the years - we could imagine some of the ways their lives could have been different. Without them, mine would have been different, too.

Similarities and differences are what makes us a family. I think all families are like that. It’s just that in adoptive families we have the responsibility to think these things through.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared  thousands of adoption  homestudies, counseled  expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and  adopted  persons, as  well  as trained  professionals  to  work  with  adoptive  families. She  was Director of the  Ametz  Adoption  Program of  JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption  Series and is currently a  member of the  Adoption  Advisory  Board  of  Path2Parenthood, Adoption   Professional   Advisory  Council  of  HelpUSAdopt  and  active  in  the  Adoptive Parents Committee in  New  York.  Her  blogs  and  written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including  her  BLOG  and  as  Head  Writer  for  ADOPTION.NET   She  was  named  an  “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly