CHOOSING SIDES

Everyone seems to be choosing sides these days. It’s either too hot or too cold; too many or not enough and, of course, the political sides. It has me thinking about birth and adoptive parents.

Why do so many feel the need to side with one or the other? Both sets of parents will always be a part of the child. Both set of parents will forever blend nature and nurture. Both sets of parents will be concerned about a child’s well-being. Are these different sides or a continuation?

During the adoption process, birth and adoptive parents are asked to consider if they want to maintain contact with one another and, if so, what will that contact be like. Many choose to share photos and letters. More and more are agreeing to text, talk, video chat and even meet periodically. And while some choose to have no ongoing contact after the child is placed into the new home, birth and adoptive parents need to be cognizant of the need to work together at times to keep the child’s best interests at heart.

It would be well to remember that no matter what type or amount of contact the birth and adoptive parents decide upon, it will be the child, as he/she grows and matures, who most likely will set the frequency and type of contact they desire.

While birth and adoptive parents are often seen as opposite sides of an adoption process, the focus of an adoption is to provide a child with a nurturing and loving home. Everyone should join together to make that happen.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared  thousands of adoption  homestudies, counseled  expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and  adopted  persons, as  well  as trained  professionals  to  work  with  adoptive  families. She  was Director of the  Ametz  Adoption  Program of  JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption  Series and the  Adoption  Advisory  Board  of  Path2Parenthood, She is currently a  Adoption   Professional   Advisory  Council  of  HelpUSAdopt , a member of the Advisory Board of the Family Equality Council and  active  in  the  Adoptive Parents Committee in  New  York.  Her  blogs  and  written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including  her  BLOG  and  as  Head  Writer  for  ADOPTION.NET   She  was  named  an  “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly EMAIL