WHAT I'VE LEARNED

Days  lingered, weeks  passed, months  disappeared.  What a year it was. It would be all too easy  to  dwell  on the sadness, division and turmoil of this past year.  Instead, I will focus on some of the positive things I have experienced.

On a personal note, I have learned to sleep later in the morning. Of course, that means staying up later at night, so I have found new late night TV shows.  And I must admit I watched far too many Hallmark Channel programs and I discovered Danielle Steele novels which were sent to me by a dear friend.  I appreciated the diversion from the grim daily news with the lighter, loving nature of these movies and books – there was always a happy ending.

I heard friends and family talk about the “freshman 15”, that weight gain during the first year of college and dorm life, now the “Quarantine 15” as they returned to staying home and cooking more or noshing more throughout the day. I was determined not to let that happen to me and, not being tempted by foods from outside my home or eating out with friends, I actually lost 30 pounds.

I spent every day with my dog, who has been mentioned in past blogs. He was my best companion throughout the year.  Everyone else was a zoom or facetime call, often daily, and I had more texts than ever. I doubt I am alone as I wonder how many pets (and humans) will have separation anxiety when their lives return to normal, with previous schedules and working outside the home.

On a professional note, I am in awe of the singles and couples who pursued adoptions. whose dreams and hopes of parenting never wavered. Who asked a lot of questions, developed plans, traveled safely and understood changes in hospital policies to protect patients (and themselves.) It was not easy, but many who persevered were rewarded with bundles of joy.

It was a real adjustment for me to see families through video chats and not having that personal connection that I try to develop as I do homestudies and ensure them I am there for the long run of the adoption process. It was also difficult to meet children that way and not “feel” the joy in the room as adoption journeys and adjustments to parenting were discussed. And yet, phone calls and video chats preserved the partnership and community for each family.

I also appreciate the attorneys, agencies, courts and multitude of colleagues who continued to work diligently, whether from home or with periodic trips to the office. You are all essential workers for our families and the children, and you are the heroes in my book. Without you, adoption would have come to a stand-still.

As I look forward to 2021, I am hopeful that before long, we shall all be able to meet with one another again. That I will soon be welcomed into your homes and local support groups will resume in-person meetings. Until that time, know that I will continue to provide all the information and support you may need via texts, emails, phone calls and video chats.

Wishing all a healthy and safe new year. Onward to 2021.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared  thousands of adoption  homestudies, counseled  expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and  adopted  persons, as  well  as trained  professionals  to  work  with  adoptive  families. She  was Director of the  Ametz  Adoption  Program of  JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption  Series and the  Adoption  Advisory  Board  of  Path2Parenthood, She is currently on the Adoption   Professional   Advisory  Council  of  HelpUSAdopt , a member of the Advisory Board of the Family Equality Council and  active  in  the  Adoptive Parents Committee in  New  York.  Her  blogs  and  written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including  her  BLOG  and  as  Head  Writer  for  ADOPTION.NET   She  was  named  an  “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly.