TO THE WOMEN IN OUR LIVES

MOTHER’S DAY – 2019

Do we really need a day set aside to appreciate mothers? My mom is the wind beneath my wings. She has always been there for me, still is and I wouldn’t have it any other way. We talk almost daily, see one another whenever we can and at a minimum text goodnight, I love you and sweet dreams.

A mother is someone who raises a child. Who tries to meet their needs as best she can. Who worries, plans, set goals and helps the child plan on how to achieve them. She teaches values through role modeling, actions and discussions. They say children are a reflection of their parents. While all are a combination of nature AND nurture, with adopted kids this takes on new meaning.

As I look at my daughters and think about who they have become, I recall watching talents and interests arise that certainly did not come from me. While I exposed them to many academic, recreational and social activities, they chose the ones that appealed to them - often influenced by what I assumed was their nature. They are both very well coordinated and have great stamina. Not from me. They are more social that I am. I prefer more quiet time. Their food preferences, too, reflected something much different from mine. They loved everything spicy, I liked it mild. There was always a bottle of hot sauce on the table for them to embellish what I cooked. What influence did nature play?

Over the years, we have talked about which characteristics, interests and preferences are most likely in their DNA. We have talked about how nurturing (parenting) intertwines.  Does it matter? Yes and no.

Every person on this planet creates an identity from how they interact with the world. Initially it is modeled after a parent who raises you. But over the years, each of us becomes a unique individual based upon one’s own experiences. Any information an adopted child has of their birthparents does not diminish an adoptive parent’s influence.  It helps the adopted person understand who they are.

On this Mother’s Day, I recognize all the women who are important in the lives of children. Mothers by birth, adoption, foster care or blended families and all those who have stepped into maternal roles - aunts, grandparents, nannies, childcare workers, teachers, neighbors and more.

To all a Happy Mother’s Day.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. Through her private practice and agency affiliations, she has prepared  thousands of adoption  homestudies, counseled  expectant, birth, pre/post adoptive parents and  adopted  persons, as  well  as trained  professionals  to  work  with  adoptive  families. She  was Director of the  Ametz  Adoption  Program of  JCCA and a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption  Series and the  Adoption  Advisory  Board  of  Path2Parenthood, She is currently a  Adoption   Professional   Advisory  Council  of  HelpUSAdopt , a member of the Advisory Board of the Family Equality Council and  active  in  the  Adoptive Parents Committee in  New  York.  Her  blogs  and  written contributions can be seen throughout the Internet, including  her  BLOG  and  as  Head  Writer  for  ADOPTION.NET   She  was  named  an  “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. You can reach her directly