THANKSGIVING

Any holiday can bring back thoughts and memories of decisions made during an adoption process or sadness being childless at a family function. Some of you will be openly or silently giving thanks for your children, some will still be waiting and wishing for their family to grow and some will be wondering how their children are doing.

If you are reluctant to be with family, especially those with young children, give yourself time to make a plan. If you can, approach family or friends before the event and tell them how you feel and not to bring up your "waiting for a child" or ask questions about the adoption process. Ask one of them to be your "out" and provide an emotional escape, if someone starts asking you questions. They can simply divert the conversation or tell you "you are needed elsewhere".

One of my daughters made her appearance at the family Thanksgiving holiday gathering. Everyone had questions. I needed a nap.

Each year, I remember how long I waited and hoped for my daughters. I think of all the men and women, waiting to be parents, or making adoption plans. I wish I could make it easier for all of you. 

As Thanksgiving and the coming holidays approach, I remember those early days of motherhood - fearing it would never happen and avoiding holiday events. I remember the tiredness and not being able to stay awake to ring in the New Year.

My daughters are now 25 and 29. I love them deeply and my extended family and friends for never treating them differently. For asking what they wanted to know and accepting what they were told.

Thanksgivings are now filled with remembrances of my journey to be a parent, raising my daughters with adoption weaving in and out of our lives and the joy of being.

                                May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey be plump.
                                May your potatoes ' n gravy have nary a lump.
                                May your yams be delicious. May your pies take the prize.
                                May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off of your thighs.

Happy holidays to you and yours.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA from March 1992 to March 2015, was Head Writer for Adoption.net, a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series She is currectly a member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and active in the Adoptive Parents Committee in New York, where she has a private practice specializing in adoption and adoptive parenting. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.