At times, over the years, my husband seemed like an alien to me. My mom said that's because we we raised in different families with different cultural influences. Then came the kids. They were raised by us, but still thought and acted in ways I didn't understand. Did they learn that from friends, TV or because they were adopted and not biologically wired the way I was?
Let me explain.
My older daughter started asking for horseback riding lessons when she was 8 years old. Having taken lessons as a kid, and now living in New York City, I knew this would be a labor intensive endeavor. But she persisted. We found a place in Westchester County and she was thrilled. What I could not understand was the focus and commitment (with horses) that followed. She rode all year long, including the scalding days of summer. and freezing days of winter. She mucked stalls, turned out horses, taught lessons when older and even ran an equine summer camp. She was smitten. As the years progressed, she is now 26 years old, she moved further into country/rural settings with her horse and dogs. She's so happy. But I am a city girl born and raised, and she was also raised in New York City. I wonder - was the country life and horses part of her Texan background?
My younger daughter was always creative and marched to the beat of a drum I could never hear. She could be totally focused one minute and then all over the place the next. She tried a zillion hobbies and sports, being very skilled at most. I spent a fortune, until I knew to slowly commit to any one activity. She frequently moved on to something new within a few weeks or months. She always had friends, but was ultra sensitive and could easily have her feelings hurt. This I understood. What I don't understand is her ability to try new things, be confident in her decisions and not worry what others will say. Wish I could say she got this from me, but I always worry what others will say. Is this her biologically wired brain?
Alien thinking and behavior or not, they are my girls. I love then fiercely. I would go the end of the world and back for them. I would fight off lions and tigers and bears. I would defend them with all my heart and soul.
I see myself in them, as well as see attributes, personalities and strengths that come from within or elsewhere. They are strong, smart and sensational. In the long run, it doesn't matter if they are like me or not. Adoption is in that mix. They are women of nature and nurture.
Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW
is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate
for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption
homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained
professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of
the Ametz Adoption Program from March 1992 to March 2015. She is
licensed in New York and New
Jersey , Head Writer for Adoption.net, member of the Adoption
Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and has a private practice in New York City
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