Every November the United States
In
the 28 years I have worked with birth parents as decisions are made, and as the
year’s progress, based on what they feel is in the best interest of their child.
I have witnessed adoptees struggle with decisions made on their behalf. I have
watch singles, couples, extended families and communities embrace children as
they join families through adoption.
Parenting
is not always easy. Add adoption to the mix and there are complexities that
must be dealt with.
National
Adoption Month focuses attention on adoption and adoptive families and leads to
more conversations about how you became a family, and may even include a new
definition of who composes your family.
Some
of these conversations may be in front of children. Be mindful of your words,
tone and body language. . Young children parrot what they hear. Older children
interpret the meaning of the words.
Take
advantage of this month’s awareness of adoption and talk to your child.
Discuss
the positives of adoption:
- It provides loving and permanent homes for
children.
- It has provided another option for birthparents who
were not ready to parent.
- It has made the dream of parents come true.
Explain
and refute the negative impression and representation of adoption:
- Media portrayal of adoption is often
for “shock value”
- Most people do not understand
adoption. This does not mean you have to tolerate their comments.
All
children deserve to know where they came from and how they became part of your
family. Hearing their adoption story can be enlightening, but also raises more
questions. Tough histories can be shared as they are able to understand and
deal with the information. Pay close attention to their comments, concerns and
worries.
For
children who do not resemble their parents, comments and questions from the
outside world are a constant reminder that they are different. Internal
struggles of “where do I belong” shift over time – but are present.
As
they grow, your child will continue to hear comments from the outside world.
They will hear the truth and how to process what others say from you. Use this
opportunity wisely, and continue the discussions throughout the year as a
reaction to something you have heard or seen, or as a check in with your child
as to what they are thinking and feeling. Prepare your child (family and
friends) to be adoption educators and advocates. Always answer their questions,
keeping the lines of communication open.
It
has been a privilege to be part of so many adoptive journeys - from counseling
birth parents to conducting adoptive homestudies for prospective parents, and
helping adoptees, birth and adoptive parents and their extended families
grapple with adoption and its impact on their lives.
To
my daughters, who joined my family through adoption - you taught me to be a
better person and a mother. I love you both dearly. To their birth mothers –
thank you for your amazing gift. I have not forgotten you and see you in my
daughters’ talents and individual character everyday.
Adoption
has and will remain an important part of who I am personally and
professionally. I never gave up my dream of being a mother, and while I believe
the world is more accepting of adoption, we still have a long way to go for
total acceptance. To the thousands of birth and adoptive families that have
allowed me to be part of their journey, I am forever grateful. To those whom I
will assist in the future, I look forward to our work together to make your
dreams come true.
Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a social worker, adoptive mom
and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of
adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained
professionals to work with adoptive families. She was named an “Angel in
Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001 and has a private
practice in New York City
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