NEW BLOGS ON ADOPTION.NET

My new blogs are available on ADOPTION.NET

What It Means to Be a Father

Fathers - You Mean the World to Us

I Don’t Think About Adoption All the Time Anymore

3 Domestic Adoption Myths

3 International Adoption Myths

With more coming in July..............Happy reading.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program from March 1992 to March 2015. She is Head Writer for Adoption.net, member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and has a private practice in New York City. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.

I'M A CITY GIRL...SOMETIMES

I grew up in New York City and, while I have complaints about the noise and lack of privacy - like city life.

I didn't always think I would live in a city. After all, we spent lots if weekends in Northern Westchester County, New York. Some called it a suburb of New York. We called it the "country" There were trees and grassy lawns and a lake. There were deer, rabbits, chipmunks, squirrels, skunks, geese, blue birds and cardinals. I always loved the "wildlife". And, still do. Although, we have added coyotes and red fox to the list. What's next - lions, tigers and bears? On my.

I love the quiet of the "country". We have neighbors, but rarely see them. Frequently, we are the only ones at the lake, making it seem like a private estate. My kids loved going down to the lake area and swimming, building sand castles and moats and climbing on the play equipment or enjoying the movement of the swings. Sometimes we would take a picnic lunch, so as not to have to walk all the way back to the house (about a city block).

Yes, I love the days – but the nights are different. It is so quiet and dark. You can’t see a thing out the windows unless there is a full moon. The shadows freak me out. And while the squirrels may be asleep for the night, the raccoons are up and marching on the roof or jumping down onto the deck. All I can imagine is zombies and aliens on the prowl. (Thanks Bex for watching all those shows and telling me about them. NOT).

I am always glad to see the sun come up and watch a new day begin. I typically sit on the back deck, sipping a cup of coffee and waiting for the deer to wander by. I also do a lot of writing in the “country”.

And just about when I have memorized the new TV channel lineup - after a weekend or a week away - I long for the city. I miss my home, my bed, knowing where everything is, my friends and the excitement of the big city, minus the sirens and traffic. Driving back to NYC, I feel content and assume that take charge city persona.

It doesn’t take but an hour or two for me to yearn for the “country” quiet and serenity. For the deer and raccoons, the lake, farm stand produce and barbeques.

City or country girl? Guess I am both J

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program from March 1992 to March 2015. She is Head Writer for Adoption.net, on the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and has a private practice in New York City. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001, Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.

NEVER SAID GOODBYE - FATHER'S DAY 2015

FATHER’S DAY 2015

My dad passed away 14 years ago, at the age of 80.

How do you say goodbye to someone who was here for you always? Who was your best friend, protector, mentor and playmate. Who taught you to drive and fish, to wield a hammer and screw driver, to care for your pets and how to love others. Who modeled work ethics and honesty, believed in equal treatment and responsibilities of all, and how to make the best chocolate drink ever.

Dad was a gentle soul. I don’t remember ever hearing him raise his voice. He was generous with his hugs and praise. Choosy about his friends. Protective of his wife and children. At only 5’6”, dad was small in stature, but in my world he was a giant. He could move mountains and fix almost anything. He meant the world to me. I still feel his influence in my daily life and pass his advice on to my children, grandson, friends and colleagues.

And, so, I never really said goodbye.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program from March 1992 to March 2015. She is Head Writer for Adoption.net, on the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and has a private practice in New York City. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001, Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.

EMPTY NESTER

My older daughter has been living in her own place for many years. And while I wish it was a bit closer (she’s about two hours away) I do get to see her and know she’s doing fine. My younger daughter has been living at home and just recently shared her thoughts on moving out. Again, I was so happy for her and discussed her plans and reviewed some of the things she would need to do to be on her own. What I didn’t expect, was the sadness I would feel of being, once again, an empty nester.

I remember when she left for college. Everyone said I would be so sad, but I was so happy for her and honestly looked forward to a quiet house and less pressure.  This time just felt different. I’ve tried to figure it out. When my girls left for college, I assumed they would come back home. And they did - for vacations and on summer breaks. But now in their mid to late 20s, when they make that decision to move on, the reality is they will not come back to live at home again.

I keep thinking about those news shows on TV - they talked about kids coming back home at the age of 30 after living alone for many, many years. And I think there’s a part of me that always hopes my girls will return. After all, when you’ve spent 27 years being a mom, who has had her kids around almost every day, it’s hard to think of them being away - forever. Of course I’ll see them, but it won’t be the same.  Who is going to keep an eye on them, make sure they’re eating, getting enough sleep, hanging out with the right people.  

Someone asked if I thought it had to do with their being adopted.  I really don’t think so. I believe it’s the same for any mother who sees her kids grow up, being so very proud of them and launching them into the world as independent adults.  This would be for an adoptive mother or birthmother or an aunt, grandmother, or any other woman who has helped raise a child into adulthood.

So to all you mothers who raised your kids, who saw them through the good and bad days, who healed their physical wounds, soothed their emotional scars, wondered what they would be when they grew up and, at times, prayed for the day they would grow up, leave home and be more independent   -  we did it!!!

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program from March 1992 to March 2015. She is Head Writer for Adoption.net, on the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and has a private practice in New York City. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001, Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.

MY OTHER BLOGS for May 2015 at ADOPTION.NET

As I have posted before, I am doing a lot of blogging for Adoption.net

The following are my latest thoughts and information. Feel free to go to www.Adoption.net and search by blog or my name. Enjoy....

May (dates and topics)

23  Kathy Brodsky - Open, Semi-Open and Closed Adoption

24  Kathy Brodsky - Post Adoption Supervisory Requirements

25  Kathy Brodsky - Are We Too Old to Adopt?

26  Kathy Brodsky - Adopting Across Racial or Cultural Lines

Upcoming in June (dates and topics)

2  Kathy Brodsky - Is International Adoption Right for Me: Part 1

3  Kathy Brodsky - Is International Adoption Right for Me: Part 2

5  Kathy Brodsky - What are Adoptive and Birth Parents Looking For?

6  Kathy Brodsky - Deciding Between Domestic and International Adopiton: Part 1

7  Kathy Brodsky - Deciding Between Domestic and International Adopiton: Part 2

Let me know of other topics that interest you or for which you would like information.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program from March 1992 to March 2015. She is Head Writer for Adoption.net, on the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and has a private practice in New York City. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001, Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.

HOW MANY CHILDREN DO YOU HAVE?

HOW MANY CHILDREN DO YOU HAVE?

This question is a bombshell. It alone can lead to hurt feelings, disagreements with spouses and limited social interactions. It causes women - hoping to become mothers – to stay away from family events, malls and other places they may see pregnant women or young children.

While all true – How would you feel giving or hearing these answers?

Mom Through Fertility Treatment

“I have 2. One through IVF, we fertilized him in a petri dish. The youngest was conceived the same way.”

Adoptive mom

“I have 2. They’re adopted. One from Texas, the other from Arizona.”

Birth mom

“I have 1 son who lives with me and 1 daughter who I placed for adoption when she was an infant.”

Surrogate

“I have 2. 3 really. I carried one in my uterus for a couple living in New Jersey.”

Foster care mom

‘I have 6. 4 are mine. 2 still live with me. And, I have 2 foster care kids.”

Hopeful mom

“None yet. We’ve been trying, but nothing yet.”

Would anyone give this type of detail – to someone you just met? I doubt it. And the question is a typical one asked when people get acquainted. So, what is a person to say?

It will be an answer that includes or omits any facts and details you feel appropriate for the moment. You may do more soul searching or relive your road to motherhood. There will be happy moments and those of sadness. It may lead to philosophical discussions on life and family, on difficult decisions and unconditional love and acceptance. You may need to bite your tongue when people give unwanted advice; fight back tears when they provide sympathy; or sit silently listening to their route to motherhood. They may mean well – but you may not want such assistance at the time.

Until a time that all biases are eradicated about adoption, unplanned pregnancy and artificial reproductive technologies - until all preconceived notions of adoptees, adoptive and birth parents are gone - until the world redefines family - the answer will be the one with which you are comfortable. It may be something you want to expand upon or just state as is. There is no need for explanations, clarifications or excuses.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program from March 1992 to March 2015. She is Head Writer for Adoption.net, on the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and has a private practice in New York City. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001, Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.

SPRINGTIME AND MOTHERHOOD

Longer days, time in the park and, oh my, those pregnant bellies all over the place.

I remember the days of dreading to go out. Of seeing those women ready to pop. I was struggling with how I was ever going to have a baby and there they were in all their glory. I tried to be happy for them. Knew the joy of what it meant to want to be a mother, but was overcome with the sadness and longing to be a mom myself. When possible, I even avoided family and friend’s functions where babies would be present.

However, once I decided to adopt, things started to change. I still noticed every pregnant woman and baby. Only now, I felt that I too could one day have a baby of my own. Sure, I wondered if adoption would work – but I believed it would. I hummed the song “Somewhere Out There” and felt in my soul that the day would come when I would be a mom. I was lucky. I adopted twice - 3 ½ years apart…. two beautiful baby girls.

And, suddenly the world turned upside down. I loved being a mom and didn’t mind seeing those pregnant women or babies in the park or at the mall. I knew the joy, as well as sleepless nights, that awaited them. I could hardly remember the time of my sadness and longing. My days were filled with feeding, diapering, playing, singing, smiling and trying to get some sleep.

Over the years, I have loved the sounds of Spring. When kids, pent up all too long for the winter, raced into the parks and playgrounds and filled the air with their joy. When parents coaxed them into and out of jackets and sweaters. When kids waited impatiently for the summer sprinklers to be turned on, so they could run through the cool water spray.

Mothers watch their kids develop new skills - swinging from monkey bars, legs pumping higher on the swings and constructing sand box creations showing new artistic leanings. They talk to one another, share parenting tips and recipes and schedule playdates. New friendships are formed for both kids and mothers.

Now a grandmother, I still like watching kids play in the park. I like watching toddlers taking their first steps, savoring their first swing or slide ride and squealing with delight. I like watching the social skills and friendships develop between young children. I find the comraderie of the parents encouraging. There is such hope and promise filling those parks and playgrounds.

I may not be as fast running after my grandson, as I did my girls but being a grandmother has it's great moments too. Listening to the laughter and glee from children is one of them.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program from March 1992 to March 2015. She is Head Writer for Adoption.net, member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and has a private practice in New York City. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.