NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH 2016

Every November the United States celebrates adoptees, birth and adoptive families, professionals, government officials and advocacy groups call attention to building and strengthening families through adoption. The White House issues an annual Proclamation.

Over 30 years, I have observed adoptees struggle with decisions made on their behalf, while watching singles, couples, extended families and communities embrace children as they join families through adoption. 

Some of the conversation during this month is public. Your children may here varying view on adoption. Young children may misinterpret these views or begin to repeat what they hear. Older children may ask more questions or internally process what they are hearing. Take advantage of this month’s awareness of adoption and talk to your child. And, as they grow, children will continue to hear comments from the outside world, balanced against what you are telling them and how you answer their questions.  They deserve to know their history.

It has been my privilege to be part of so many adoptive journeys - from counseling birth parents to conducting adoptive homestudies for prospective parents, and helping adoptees, birth and adoptive parents and their extended families grapple with adoption and its impact on their lives. 

To my daughters, who joined my family through adoption - you made parenting a journey I will cherish forever. I love you both dearly. To their birth mothers – thank you for your amazing gift. I will never forget you and see you reflected in my daughters’ talents and individual characters everyday.

Adoption has and will remain an important part of who I am personally and professionally. It made my dream come true. But, while I believe each day, the world is more accepting of adoption, we still have a long way to go for total acceptance.

To the thousands of birth and adoptive families that have allowed me to be part of their journey, I am forever grateful. To those whom I will assist in the future, I look forward to our work together to make your dreams come true.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA from March 1992 to March 2015, was Head Writer for Adoption.net, a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series She is currectly a member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and active in the Adoptive Parents Committee in New York, where she has a private practice specializing in adoption and adoptive parenting. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.

ADOPTION CONFERENCE - SUNDAY 11-20-16 IN NYC

The Adoptive Parents Committee holds it's 36 annual conference for those considering adoption, adoptive families and professionals. The full day includes over 100 workshops (selected CEU sessions) and an extensive exhibit hall. Hope to see you there.

As the day's keynote presenter, I will be detailing the journey and life of the adoptive parent and talking about homestudies later in the day. 

www.adoptiveparents.org

--

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW

TheAdoptionMaven.blogspot.com

917-567-4935

WORTH EVERY PENNY

I didn't think pay phones existed in New York City anymore. But there it was. The second shocker was the 50 cent cost.

I will now age myself - I remember when pay phones were 10 cents, a bus or subway ride 15 (now it's $2.75) and a bakery roll 10 cents. I remember as a teen ager going for a Chinese lunch with a friend. It was 35 cents and a big splurge. We got soup, an entree, ice cream and a fortune cookie. School lunch was not much more. A tuna sandwich was 50 cents and came with chips and a cookie. Pizza and a soda was $1 for two people.

When I adopted my daughters, 25 and 29 years ago, Attorneys charged $3,000, homestudies were $400 and the total costs were predicted to be $6,000-20,000. Boy, how things have changed.

They say "children are priceless". But, those of us who adopted, can actually put a price tag on their heads - now often $20,000-50,000. Don't get me wrong - pregnancy and fertility treatments have costs, too. I just cannot believe how costs have risen. Then again, it has been over 25 years since I adopted my daughters.

I am a bargain hunter by nature. Why pay retail when you can get the exact product or service for less? Although, with my children, I never skimped. The girls got haircuts, manicures and pedicures. Their favorite foods were provided and restaurants visited. Now that they live out of the home, I have resorted to my more frugal days. Maybe I don't need as many things, but I find shopping doesn't hold the same place on my radar as it used to. And thank goodness - prices seem out of control.

But back to that subway pay phone. Thank goodness I don't have to use it. Cell phones now work in many NYC subway stations. And I’m not sure what I can do with that saved 50 cents. It won’t even buy what used to be penny candy.  And I don’t need the sugar. Get 10 minutes of drying time in my building's laundry room? Nothing dries in 10 minutes.

I actually hate talking about money. All I know is my daughters' adoptions were worth every penny.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA from March 1992 to March 2015, was Head Writer for Adoption.net, a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series She is currectly a member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and active in the Adoptive Parents Committee in New York, where she has a private practice specializing in adoption and adoptive parenting. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.

HAPPY NEW YEAR - L'SHANAH TOVAH

While many celebrate the new year on January 1^st, Jewish people celebrate Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) – this year October 2-4.

This is a time to not only celebrate, but to reflect on the choices we made the year before and plan for the year ahead, with bread and apples dipped in honey to signify the wish for a “sweet” year to come.

Those waiting to adopt often wish to leave their struggles to become a parent behind and look towards becoming a parent in the year to come. They reconsider their adoption options and question choices made. They wonder "if" they will adopt.

There is also a strong belief of “bashert” (the Yiddish term for “it was meant to be”). - that the right child has found the right parent(s). And so, they never give up and pursue their adoption jouney and dream of parenthood.

Whether your child has already found you or you are waiting for that special moment - L’shanah tovah to you and your family.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA from March 1992 to March 2015, was Head Writer for Adoption.net, a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series She is currectly a member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and active in the Adoptive Parents Committee in New York, where she has a private practice specializing in adoption and adoptive parenting. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.

HELICOPTER MOM

I admit it.  I'm a helicopter parent. I watched my kids like a hawk - where they went and with whom. 

This is NYC where you know your neighbors by sight and perhaps their schedules, passing one another in the elevator, but not much about their backgrounds.  Where kids use public transportation. 

I never understood neighbors sending kids as young as 5 alone in the elevator to come up for a play date or to the store or school alone by the age of 8. 

I was always vigilant but it became even more pronounce after 9/11. It was my older daughter’s first day of high school. New surroundings and new peers. She got her first cell phone that week so we could stay in touch.

Today I had a flashback. A mother boarded a city bus with her child, who must have been around 4 years old, walking behind her. The driver started to close the door not seeing the little girl. Everyone was fine. But my kids always walked beside me or in front of me. Holding hands or in hands reach. Always in sight. 

My daughters gained more independence as they grew - earning my trust and their freedom.   I asked them to respect my need to know where they were. If they planned to be with particular friends or in a specific location and plans changed - to just text me the changes. Someone should know where they were and I assumed that task by default. 

Now they live independently. Do I still worry? Absolutely. Is it to control their lives? No. It’s to make sure they are safe and sound. 

To this day I still like to know where those closest to me are. The girls, my mom, sister and close friends. We stay in touch, even using texts. I am reassured knowing everyone is safe. 

Would I be like this if I lived elsewhere? Yes. It's my personality to worry. 

I remember worrying through my adoption processes so many years ago. Some days were tough and had me wondering if I would ever be a parent. I think about clients who have a tough time with the adoption process. Whether collecting documents for the initial meeting, preparing to talk to birth parents, despairing that no one is calling or that the relationship is a tough one or traveling and waiting for the approval to come back home - I wait to hear from them that all is well. 

My concern (and worry) comes from a good place. To see others safe, happy and successful in their ventures. Whether family, friends or clients - I will listen, do what I can and provide guidance on steps that they can take. When I say "I am here for you", I mean it. 

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA from March 1992 to March 2015, was Head Writer for Adoption.net, a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series She is currectly a member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and active in the Adoptive Parents Committee in New York, where she has a private practice specializing in adoption and adoptive parenting. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.

GRANDPARENTS THROUGH ADOPTION

Most of our moms and dads always thought that someday they would be grandparents. So, when we experienced fertility issues, it was their dream, too, that was shattered.

Parents are fierce protectors of their children. Perhaps your struggle to have children was the first time in their lives that they couldn’t fix what was wrong. They most likely worried about your physical and emotional wellbeing. They probably felt a sadness about never being grandparents.

When you shared your plans to adopt, they raised concerns and questions. They were frightened. They wanted the best for you. They wanted to protect you. Their exposure to adoption was mostly through the news media.  But you reassured them and proceeded.

The first day they held their grandchild in their arms, their fears melted away. They saw the happiness in your eyes. They witnessed that you had realized your dream to be a parent.

Now they are loving and doting grandparents. They anticipate every visit and share photos and stories with their neighbors and friends. They believe that adoption is the miracle that brought the smile back to your face. That made your dream come true. That gave them grandparent status.

On this Grandparents’ Day, I wish all of you a wonderful day of family events and memories.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA from March 1992 to March 2015, was Head Writer for Adoption.net, a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series She is currectly a member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and active in the Adoptive Parents Committee in New York, where she has a private practice specializing in adoption and adoptive parenting. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.

SEPTEMBER TRANSITIONS

September brings cooler weather and lots of transitions for families.

Funny how life changes.  For years, September was an anxious time for me. We waited for the teacher assignment and class list to arrive. My girls checked the mailbox daily with apprehension. Sometimes ecstatic, sometimes in tears, we would start to plan for the year to come. My daughters would imagine who would become a new friend or whether a teacher would be nice and likable. I would worry how a teacher or a homework or in-class assignment or peers’ relationships might touch upon adoption.

I remember asking my daughters what they were looking forward to and what, if anything, they were worried about. When they were older, we touched upon adoption. Did they want me to mention it to their teacher? Would they like to say or not say anything? Either way, we agreed that whether it was adoption or something else, they would keep me in the loop as the year progressed.

Leading up to Labor Day, I remember shopping trips with my daughters for the latest clothing trends or new sneakers. We would buy enough folders, binders, colored pencils, calculators and more to last the year. All these years later, I even have some items that were left over in my home office.

My daughters are now 25 and 29. School is behind them, although there are murmurings of pursuing another degree. We shall cross that bridge, when we need to.

For me, the end of summer is a much calmer time now. I can sit and read a book, meet a friend for a cup of coffee, or as I did this morning spend time reassuring a client that adoption would work and she will soon be a mother.

So as I remember the fading summers of the past, and know that many of you are experiencing the first days of school, transitioning schedules for younger children and trying to keep up with the activities and social lives of older children – I wish you all a serene, unruffled academic year.

Kathy Ann Brodsky, LCSW is a New York and New Jersey licensed social worker, adoptive mom and advocate for ethical adoption practice. She has prepared thousands of adoption homestudies, counseled adoptive parents and parents-to-be, and has trained professionals to work with adoptive families. She was Director of the Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA from March 1992 to March 2015, was Head Writer for Adoption.net, a member of the Advisory Board for POV’s Adoption Series She is currently a member of the Adoption Advisory Board of Path2Parenthood and active in the Adoptive Parents Committee in New York, where she has a private practice specializing in adoption and adoptive parenting. She was named an “Angel in Adoption” by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in 2001. Follow or reach her at ADOPTION MAVEN BLOG or EMAIL.